Sunday, July 17, 2016

"You see, Jeff, there are certain things man was not meant to hear. We were designed, by whoever entitity you choose, to hear what’s in this range and really this range alone. ‘Cause you know who is talking to us in this range? The people we love." –Pierce Hawthorne, Community Season 1

Monday, January 18, 2016

Blog Day Monday Entry Number 1

Today is the official start of the semester but since I don’t have Monday class I did not do much. I have already gotten my form 5 and form 26 a week ago and waiting for my prospect adviser did not take up too much of the day because she is not in the campus apparently. My classmates and I who all plan to file major decided we just wait tomorrow.

It has been a while since my schedule permitted me to enjoy Mondays and I plan to dedicate some time of it to this blog.

I have mentioned before that I read an article that said building good habits is beneficial to achieving success in an exponential manner. I’d better work on that later.

Tuesday, January 12, 2016


Suportado ng kapatid ko ang adiksyon ko sa EXO. Sponsored pa nga. Paano ba naman hinawaan niya ako. Kailangan may picture kasi birthday ngayon ng bias kong si Kyungsoo. Nako, umaapaw ang squishiness. 

Bukas pwede na mag-enlist sa SystemOne. PE na lang naman ang itatry ko, sana mabilis.

Parang kailan lang kabado pa ako kung may ibabagsak ako tapos ayan na naman ang kasunod na sem. May mga nangyari naman sa akin ngayong bakasyon at sa tingin ko naman ay hindi ako nabitin. Pero ayaw ko pa rin pumasok. 

Hay. Pano ako magtatop sa board nyan. HAHA. Charot lang. Susme, delayed na nga yata ako nag iilusyon pa ako. Nagdadalawang isip akong pilitin at mag-overload kasi baka lalong sumama ang mga pangyayari. Buti tanggap ng parents ko. Pero kahit pa...

Sunday, January 3, 2016

2k16

Bagong taon nasa ospital kami ng nanay ko. New Year's Eve pa lang masama na pakiramdam niya tapos noong hapon nagpadala na siya sa ospital kasi hindi na niya kaya. Pagsakay namin ng jeep tinitigan ko siya. Ramdam ko yung kaba at pag-aalala niya. Marahil nagtatanong siya sa sarili niya kung bakit kaya siya nagkakaganoon, kinakabahan sa kung anong sasabihin ng doktor, nag-aalala din siguro kung kasya ba yung perang nasa bag niya na dala-dala ko.

Sa ER pinagpahinga siya sa hospital bed at pinainom ng gamot. Hindi naman umubra kaya pina ECG siya. Nandoon lang ako sa gilid nanunuod. Since ECG yun bawal siyang gumalaw, nakahiga lang siya sa kama, nakakumot pero kita yung paa. Lumipad ang imahinasyon ko at kinilabutan ako sa naisip ko. Hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa din pala kaya.

Hindi ko ramdam ang edad ko sa lahat ng pagkakataon ngunit nitong mga nagdaang buwan napansin kong matured na din naman ako mag-isip. May mga bagay na akong napapansin at pinaglalaanan ng panahon na dati naman ay hindi ko napagtuunan. Ang stress at pressure ng adulthood ay unti unti na ngang nangangalabit. Medyo nakakatakot.

Tuwing gabi naiisip kong baka hindi umayon ang panahon sa lahat ng naisin ko sa buhay. Sa tuwing nakakarinig ako ng mga nakakalungkot at nakakagulat na balita, lalo na tungkol sa mga kamag-anak ko, hindi ko mapigilang matakot. Maiisip ko pa kayang may saysay ang lahat kung mawala man ang isa sa mga magulang ko? Para akong praning sa mga ganyang bagay. Masyado kong dinadamdam at pinalalaki ang mga bagay kahit pa nai-imagine ko lang. Never naman akong naging suicidal. Kung nagbabasa ka ng blog ko alam mong takot akong mamatay. May pagka nega lang talaga ako.

Noong namatay kasi ang lola ko parang nagkaroon ako ng panibagong prescription glasses. Nakita ko ang importansya ng buhay. Nakita ko kung paano ko sinasayang ang oras ko at ang kabataan ko. Kahit na hindi pa rin ako ganoon kastrong sa pagtatama ng mga maling gawi ko, kahit papaano nasimulan ko na din hanapin yung mga bagay na sa tingin ko ay nakakasama sa akin. Wala na akong mahahangad ngayong taon kundi ang simulan na ding iwasto ang mga iyon.

Walang New Year's resolution. Nabasa ko sa isang article na mas mabuting magdevelop  ng habits kaysa gumawa ng gumawa ng goals. Ang paglalaan ng panahon sa mga bagay at gawain na magbibigay sa akin ng assets/skills/training na unti-unting magpapalapit sa aking mga mithiin sa buhay ang mas importante.

Bente uno na ako sa birthday ko. Ang bilis nga naman talaga ng panahon.

Saturday, December 12, 2015

I passed all my subjects!!

And I feel very proud of myself. I really thought I will not make it through this semester.. but I did!

I actually felt happy being surrounded by my friends. It was extra special since we're dealing with the same hardships. I get to know some acquaintances better and I'd still prefer that than having a bunch of fake friends.

Reading inspirational articles also helped me get by. I still had the usual low exam scores then and there, but I learned to use that as a motivation. I let fear of failing consume me, and the fear kept me going. Then I had my love's clutches when I feel tired and alone. I cried when I needed to, and I took breaks when I feel like I deserve them.

If the the past semester was a good one for you, sing this with me:




Monday, October 12, 2015

My roommate­­ asked me earlier today what series I am watching and I told her I am watching “Parks and Rec. She asked again if it is good and my answer was: “It’s okay.”

But honestly, Parks and Recreation is far more than okay. In fact, I am so obsessed about it right now I can’t wait for my Stat1 exam to finish so I can go back to my dorm and watch the last episode of Season 6. As a fangirl I sometimes get pretty possessive about stuff like this. I discovered Parks and Rec when I Googled “series like the Office”, and when I saw the meme of Chris Pratt as Andy Dwyer (I still don’t know what/why/who/when _____ is but at this point I’m still afraid to ask) on 9gag.  The feeling of discovering PnR, another thing to get attached to and love, is just so rewarding that I am afraid I cannot share it with anyone (except Allen; I literally have been pushing PnR to his face these past days.)

A major reason is one man.

Benjamin Wyatt.

There are probably a lot of girls like me who have fantasized about this “sexy elf king” but I am not ready to discuss about these fangirl feels to a close friend, or even an acquaintance. He’s not like Kyuhyun who I can openly express feelings with Kyunatic friends. No. Ben Wyatt (and his butt) is mine. I am a huge fan of Leslie and Ben, and I ship them so hard, and I believe they are perfect for each other but my love for Ben Wyatt is so intense when I repeat their sweet and adorable moments I picture myself as Leslie Knope. His voice, his hair, his cute face and lips, his skin, his butt, his nerdiness, everything.. attracts me. Oh my gosh, I am obsessed with Ben Wyatt he has finally replaced Kyuhyun as my number 1 crush.

He’s the first person I search for in almost every frame and I had a crush on him since the moment he showed his dorky face on the series.  I wish I could meet someone like him and then marry someone like him.


Having my own Benjamin Wyatt will be the coolest and most amazing thing ever.

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Putang ina.

Para akong batang gusto ng masayang buhay pero hindi ko naman makuha. Lahat ng inputs ko saktuhan lang ang nagiging resulta. Sobrang nakakafrustrate lang at nakakalungkot sa tuwing nalalaman kong kulang na naman. Kulang na lang palagi.

Minsan naiisip ko, I need a good cry.

Hindi na ako nasisiyahang makipagkaibigan. Wala pa rin akong ganang mag-aral. Hindi ko na nakakausap ang pamilya ko. Gusto ko na kumita ng pera. Ayaw ko na magtrabaho abroad ang tatay ko pero hindi ko alam kung gagraduate ako on time. Puro na lang problema. Sa mga sandaling tahimik ang paligid saka lamang nawawala sa isip kong may mali sa buhay ko. Madalas iyon. Yun na din ang dahilan kung bakit walang nagbabago.


Alam ko na.

Kailangan ko lang magsimula.

Nagawa ko nang magplano at magsulat araw-araw ng gagawin ko pero hindi naman naging sapat yun. Kaya ngayon.. kung kailangan mag-aral edi mag-aaral. Kung may gusto, ‘edi gawin. Masakit sa damdamin na ikumpara ang sarili sa iba at lalong hindi maiiwasan ang magpaapekto sa sasabihin ng ibang tao. ‘Edi masaktan at magpaapekto. Kung nakakaiyak ‘edi umiyak. Kailangan nang tanggapin ko na hindi ako perpekto at lalong hindi ko kayang magbago overnight. Hindi din ako makakuha ng magandang resulta kung iisipin kong tapos na ang lahat sa tuwing may masamang nangyayari.

Nilalabas ko ngayon ang sama ng loob ko: sa kagustuhan kong magexcel sa maraming bagay, sa pagsisisi kong sumali ako ng SELES, sa pagtatanong kung bakit ba ako nagUP, sa lahat ng kahinaan ko, sa walang hiyang pagpoprocrastinate at katamaran, sa pagmamadali, sa lahat ng bad decisions, sa lahat ng strangers, mapanghusga, at pakialemerong tao na nagpalungkot at nagpakaba sa akin, sa hindi ko pa rin makita (na nakakaleche na) na 'peace of mind'...

Mahahanap din kita.

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Nagsisilabasan na yung results ng mga first exam ko ngayong sem. Kanina nakita ko yung score ko sa kinse. Putek 29. Hindi naman talaga ako nakapag-aral pero,grabe naman yung score na yun. Ano ba? Magiging trend na ba sa akin na simula pa lang ng sem namimili na ako ng isang subject na iaalay. Wag ganun, tol.

Thursday, August 6, 2015

sometimes it is nice to have company

I just got home from the late birthday celebration of two of my batchmates, Yanna and Kathy. My overeating is at its finest this start of the semester and I am getting rounder in the middle as each day pass. My batchmate Lucky gave us a ride and we’re supposed to have dinner at Spice Jar but he suggested we go to Burger King instead. With that we got hyped and so to Burger King we went. We had a somewhat warm (and unexpected) sem starter.
(photos courtesy of Allen)

Earlier today I mingled a bit with some of my orgmates (for a change). It surprised me to find it tolerable and to feel somewhat comfortable. Maybe the change of regime brought that, what with my sponsor being the current president of the organization. We also had our first general assembly and my committee (Publicity Committee) had its first meeting. I have a feeling Justin will be an awesome committee head (he already gave us an awesome token for choosing pubcom, and an awesome speech to boost our morale).