Monday, April 21, 2014

Twenty Nine

I actually wrote a three-page letter for you before but I don't want to post it here because it could reveal too much, and I don't want to give it to you because I don't want to die of shame just yet.

I have known you for quite long, approximately a year, and I can say that we're okay. 

Building walls while building bridges has always been my specialty, that is why I don't have much difficulty in my almost everyday encounters with you, even when I came to realize I am feeling weird whenever I see you.

You still don't know. You have no idea, I believe. 

And sometimes that is what I hold onto.

I don't really expect us to become anything, actually.. I have long accepted that fact.

Our friendship means a lot to me and I still want to have that than risk everything. 

But acceptance sometimes isn't enough.. Because right now I want to torment you.

Having these thoughts makes me cringe. We are too friendly of each other and I see this as betraying you.. Liking you was one thing but the thought of disemboweling you in the middle of the night in your pajamas is way too much.

I'm really sorry. But I guess the feels just came back..

And they came back with a really bad timing.