Saturday, May 24, 2014

I should be dead by now

My connections with you are so fragile. They are so delicate I am constantly afraid of doing something that could possibly break them. Yet I still try to push things further. I still try to strengthen my end.

It bothers me that I could not read you. But that is probably the reason why I could not get enough of you. You confuse me, and every attempt I had done to know what you’re thinking just frustrates me even more. You are a challenge.

I want to break that glass that divides you from me, but to this day I still have no luck. I am desperate to find a pattern; to find a way to see through you. One problem is that you don’t talk much. The less you talk, the more I wonder. Then I will tell you a lot of things. A lot more than necessary, I believe. Most of them are nonsense but those are just desperate attempts to interpret you as you respond. Unfortunately, the glass just won’t budge.

A part of me is also afraid to know. Will you lose your charm when you are no longer a puzzle?

I don’t want that to happen. I am convinced I need someone like you in my life. It was a surprise to know that, but it is true. I want you to stay the way you are, but with that I could not discern the deeper you. I just want to know. I am desperate to know.

Maybe in time I will succeed because I believe I will keep on trying. But if ever you really are that different I think I will just try to live with the frustration. Maybe it is better this way.

I will never get enough of you.