I feel like a bad person.
The weight of the things I have done has now dawned on me. I should be stoned.
No, please don’t do that.
Technically, I haven’t disobeyed any rules. And now I can say I am proud I still have self restraint. Things are not in its worse. Still, it stings.
It’s just I don’t want to do what I should do. But I must do it because it is what’s right. I don’t want to disappoint my parents again. I don’t want to live with that kind of burden; I had enough of that for four years. It only offered a kind of happiness that is not genuine and is short-lived.
Even though I know I have enough discipline to not go astray, I don’t have any proof of that to assure my parents. It will always be a bad thing, and there is still a part in me that believe in that.
And there’s this person I have disappointed more than anyone. It is my fault to lead him further even though I have known from the start it is not allowed to happen. I chose to be selfish. In a way I chose to hurt him.
He can understand. That is one of the things I really like about him. But I have made him sad, and I don’t want that. I will not say more of what I really feel about him because the thought makes me sad also.
All I can say now is I choose to be a good daughter. And I will do what I can to live to up to that.